Posts Tagged ‘Sex’

Today I embarked on yet another magical journey to a wonderful sex toy party! As if I really need anymore toys or accessories! Of course I really just needed a day to go have fun since I have been working about 6-7 days a week… (YES, I did get the job at Payless for those of you wondering)

So anyways, I have always really enjoyed the concept of Slumber Parties an naturally since I am always ranting and writing about sex, most of those around me have pushed for me to get into it- so I have finally decided that I am going to do just that! I am pretty damn excited! (Of course I have a funny feeling that my grandmother is going to be my biggest customer and that’s a bit disturbing, but hey)

I apologize for being dead lately and that this post will be a tad short except for some extra paid blogging below, but I wanted to check in and let my readers know what’s been going on. Also, don;t forget to enter the contest for my birthday and buy a layout from me, because well, I am awesome

———–

For those of you living in or around Dallas, Texas, why not check out Splurge Hair Salon. The Splurge hair salon dallas has a great team of premier designers ranging in all area’s of specialty to give you the best possible salon experience. Not only will you leave with a great new hair style, but a great surge of confidence as well.

So as some of you may or may not know, I am a Product Demonstrator. In other words, I do the fucking samples. Yah samples! So anywho, we have a contract with Wal-Mart and I have a little bright idea’s sign on my cart and all- BUT I DO NOT WORK FOR WAL-MART! And apparently the other day some fucking banana epidemic broke out where everyone decided they were all into banana’s and shit and Wal-Mart ran out. I thought people went coo-coo over Coco Puffs,but you know shit’s going badly when old women in their mobile scooters are fighting over a few single banana’s left on the shelf.

So of course I would be interrupted over the course of my 6 hour shift by durranged Wally World customers throwing tantrums over some damn banana’s. Martins is right up the road you know? I am sure they have banana’s eh? Look, I am just trying to sell some coffee, k? No I do not know why the hell they are out and excuse my rudeness but do I look like the fucking Chiquita Banana Lady to you??? And yes, I am rude, now take some fucking coffee or get the hell out of my face!

For clarification please see below:

The picture to left, that is the Chiquita Banana Lady, to the right is me, clearly NOT the Chiquita Banana Lady.

Ooo also I want to let you guys know that all my talking about sex and vag’s has finally paid off. You can read me now at Eden Cafe, Sexy Time and Babies. I’m still no Sue Johanson, but it’s a step closer.

And I think I’ll leave on this note:

Today I wondered- “If I fall asleep during sex now, what does 50 look like?’ Then I screamed inside my head, thought about crying, but instead laughed and tinkled a bit in my pants. (I think the defaulty bladder comes from motherhood, but that’s a whole different issue!)

I’ve cracked on the idea of one partner falling asleep, but when they both do it- almost in sync, that’s when it becomes worryful.  It’s sad, being so exhausted to the point where you are woohoo-ing and then BANG! you are out like a light. Doing this twice makes me wonder if either of our flames are even still flickering, let alone burning.

To be honest, I never truly thought about a point occurring in my life where I’d really be too tired to get into some serious sexing. Of course that was long before I actually did anything in my life other than fucking. Perhaps I should learn to better plan ahead. For those of you who are still sexing it up on a regular basis all wide-eyed and busy tailed, good for you. For the rest of you who are finding yourself in the same non-rocking boat or one that only slightly rocks, you are not alone. I can’t promise it’ll get better but at least you know there are other poor bastards out there not enjoying their lack of sex either.

On a non sexual note: WHAT THE HELL IS AN IGLOO RESERVATION?!!? Of course this question comes from a conversation of which was overheard at my local Wal-mart. I consulted my good friend Urban D. but it just said “Sorry, no entry for Igloo Reservation yet.” Poo.  I am open to any and all interpretations you may have of this, so perhaps I can compile an answer together and the next poor bastard searching for “Igloo Reservation” will know what in the hell it is.

Maybe it’s like uh…like small village of like those snow houses and uh…like the like snow people..uh like live there..

As quoted by [delete] a short blonde, wearing a prissy outfit, chewing gum, texting on her phone, smiling uncontrollably [/delete] one of those retarded fucking “like” valley girl types.

If anyone knows how to decode valley girl talk please let me know, I have not the time nor the want for a headache from reading that shit anymore than I have to- it’s bad enough I had to hear it first hand.

Lexie On the Fight

The Bad Girls Club | MySpace Video

Seriously! Like O.M.G, that’s what I am talking about. Lexie poo, please either crawl in a dark hole or educate yourself by expanding your vocabulary and ruling out “like” as much as possible. K, thanks!