Posts Tagged ‘periods’

I refer to my vagina as a she because:

1.) She is indecisive- hence why I was bleeding one minute and crystal clear the next &

2.) She has been trying to take me down all week by inflicting pain, where it “hurts the most.” Coochie pain is NOT cool.

Therefore, my vagina MUST be a female.

If I am standing in the middle of an aisle doing my work, I should not have to stop, grab my vagina, whence, and moan like I am some deranged lunatic possessed by a demonic spirit. Nor should I have to explain to the couple buying soap that I am pouncing around making odd faces and scaring their child because Aunt Flow is a serious biotch. I NEVER had cramps, ever. Unfortunately one of the joys of having a baby is that mother nature doesn’t guarantee it’s all going to just go back to normal. If that were the case, I would have already had it and forgot about it – three days ago -I am now on my fifth day, this is not acceptable behavior for my vagina.

My dilemma: How do you punish one indecisive, stubborn, angry vagina?

If your vagina could talk, what would she say? I think mine would tell me I’m a whining bitch and I really need to just get over it, ending it with something like “I’m tired of being your vagina, you’re more of a cunt than I am.”